Chuckle #473 | November 9th, 2011
Stay-at-Home Moms Need Sexier Titles
Some stay-at-home moms and dads wallow in negative existential thoughts. Not me. I find my role as “homemaker” quite challenging, especially when the kids all vomit at once. The only thing I really object to is my title. I’m not Auntie Em, and I don’t make jam. I’m craving a better, hotter title, like “Bottom Line Babe”. Only then I could I justify wearing my pleather leggings.
Even the ridiculously over-educated can find joy in staying at home. A Harvard MBA can be surprisingly useful in plotting optimal carpool routes against traffic light density, time/distance traveled, and the proximity of Starbucks.
To be honest, I’m tired of all this talk of “hostility” between stay-at-home moms and working moms. I agree that staying at home is a job, but maybe the answer lies in making it LOOK more like a traditional job, or even a business.
We’d get a lot more respect if we kept a balance sheet, published an annual report, and gave EVERYONE in the family annual reviews, even the dog. Don’t tell my husband, but the dog is a MAJOR drain on resources. (He’d be the first one I’d let go if we had to downsize.)
Let’s solve the stay-at-home brouhaha once and for all. Let’s require a solid background in economics and business before marriage. Catholics could fold Econ 101 into Pre-Cana. (Jews could simply take a refresher.) Other people would have to go back to school.
For example, economies of scale apply as much to the home as they do to widgets. Why produce a single, ugly kid when you could genetically engineer super intelligent blue-eyed triplets? Why go to all the trouble to clean your house for just ONE couple when, for very little additional effort, you could entertain twenty?
Do you see how much more efficient we would be if we had the right training and education? If you already have an MBA, use it to raise the bar on home management! Don’t ignore the bottom line just because you’re busy wiping the baby’s bottom. Don’t let your skills wither away in mind-numbing (and often disgusting) repetitive tasks. And whatever you do, don’t let society scoff at your choice to stay home, especially if you are lucky enough to have that choice.
What is the opportunity cost of a three hour finger painting session? There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking tough questions like that.
Some moms and dads aren’t good managers. These are the people who always look disheveled and overwhelmed in the grocery store. They leave their kids stranded all over town and are always borrowing eggs. Most of them were art history majors.
A lot of stay-at-home parents complain that their role is not valued by society, and they expect society to change what it values. This is rather cheeky. What we need to do is change society’s perception of the homemaker role by becoming more business-like.
And that means retooling what has been passing as “home management” training for the past 40 years.
The “Home Economics” class that we all took in middle school had NOTHING to do with economics and everything to do with sewing ugly halter tops. This never was, and still isn’t a highly valued skill (unless you live in Bolivia and just got a microloan to make indigenous crafts).
Not much has changed.
My kids can make nut and gluten-free banana muffins, but they can’t determine the market equilibrium price of those bananas. Nor would they ever think to hedge against rising oil prices with the canny purchase of an EPA certified wood stove. I find this shocking.
If we are to achieve the home management equivalent of “no parent left behind”, the current curriculum needs a complete overhaul. It will be years before these changes have any effect.
In the meantime, I highly recommend a change in title. How about “Home Efficiency Engineer” or “Family CEO”? Give me a CEO title (even honorary) and my entire perspective will change. I’ll start seeing my kids as free labor, my time as money, and all my talented friends as possible business partners.
Give me a CFO who isn’t under the age of 4 and I might even turn a profit. Sadly enough, that’s the only sure way to change perceptions…
