Chuckle #444 | March 16th, 2011
To Yoga or not to Yoga
There are a lot of uptight people in this world who should be doing yoga. Think about Hamlet. If Hamlet had been a yogi, murder and betrayal might not have bothered him quite so much. Imagine if the most famous monologue of all time had ended with a marriage instead of mass murder.
Given what went down in Hamlet, I decided it was time to yoga.
I went to my first “Basic” class on Sunday. The practice of yoga requires a lot of concentration if one is to eventually attain a state of “perfect spiritual insight and tranquility”. At least, that’s what the brochure said.
Yoga is a lot harder than it looks. It didn’t take more than one ‘downward dog’ for me to realize that a perfectly balanced mind would be a long time in coming. During a particularly prolonged and painful warrior pose I considered easier paths to tranquility, such as mind altering (legal) drugs, or even a voluntary lobotomy.
Yes, my first yoga class was that challenging, and not just physically.
“Clear your mind,” suggested my yoga teacher. Yeah right, I thought to myself. What mother can clear her mind on command? My brain is hard wired to be thinking six carpools, three permission slips, two tournaments, four concerts and five meals ahead. My brain is not a bathtub that can be emptied and refilled at will. My mind is more like a clogged toilet.
And yes, it sometimes overflows.
But I gave yoga my best shot despite my mental shortcomings. I tried to relax and enjoy some “me” time. I tried to think of my body as a vessel, to coordinate my breathing and my body, and to empty my mind. I tried really hard not to think about who sweated on my yoga mat in the class before mine. But I couldn’t do it.
Being super grossed out has a way of ruining my Zen.
Luckily my yoga gift certificate entitles me to 9 more classes. So the entertainment I provide for the rest of my yoga-mates will continue. But no more body fluids unless they are my own. Next week I’m bringing my own yoga mat.
Only then will I be able to fully enjoy the physical benefits of yoga - improved flexibility, posture, strength, and balance. I know yoga is good for me because my inner thighs are still quivering like jelly.
Then there’s the spiritual side of yoga, and ‘therein lies the rub’. I may never become a full yogi before I ‘shuffle off this mortal coil’, but maybe that’s aiming too high. At this point, just having the discipline to finish a one hour yoga class (which is a bit like watching blimps race) shows an impressive amount of focus and patience.
But the true beauty of yoga is that it accepts my many imperfections and puts a high value on effort. I doubt I will ever master the half lotus headstand, but if I can learn to sit cross-legged like a Buddha, I’m ok with that.
