Chuckle #410 | June 23rd, 2010
Wanna be Friends?
(with benefits?)
I like having friends with benefits. No, not those kinds of benefits. Of which I disapprove by the way. I’m talking about friends with big hearts, open ears, and lots of cool stuff. If you are very lucky, that “stuff” might include a fully staffed Tuscan Villa with awell-stocked wine cellar. That’s what I call friends with benefits.
When you make friends, you really shouldn’t take into consideration their material possessions. But if you happen to discover (after the fact) that your carefully chosen friend “soul mates” also have desirable skills, knowledge, and European vacation homes, you should certainly partake of them; and they of your case of Bud Light. ‘Cause that’s what being a friend is all about. Sharing.
You see, as preschoolers we are taught, nay, we are required to share our toys. All that early childhood brainwashing about “toy sharing” continues to benefit those of us with the fewest toys - well into adulthood. If your friends were raised right, they will feel COMPELLED to share their stuff with you. Don’t feel bad. As long as you share back, you shouldn’t feel any guilt about taking what they gladly have to offer.
SHARING makes everyone feel good, whether it’s a 50 foot yacht or a 2-man tent.
Material goods (and joking) aside, the most important thing for women to share is advice and support. For this we need friends. Close friends, best friends, acquaintances, work buddies, neighbors – we need them all. No woman in her right mind is going to ask her teenage daughter a question like, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” unless she wants to end up in counseling, or jail. That’s what friends are for. (‘Cause husbands would only lie.)
I have brainy and compassionate friends who would NEVER say that I look fat in my jeans. They would say that the color was wrong for me or that the cut was bad. This makes me an excellent friend-chooser.
Over time these friends have also acquired vacation homes, boats, pools and tennis courts. They have organizational skills, decorating know-how, gardening knowledge and are willing to carpool. I honestly don’t know what they get out of being friends with me, but I hope that they are too big hearted to care.
And FYI, if your female friends happen to have cool husbands, you get a relationship two-fer, you get bro-friends. (Note that bro-friends do NOT come with “benefits” of ANY KIND, other than emergency spider or mouse removal. Just in case you were wondering where to draw the line.)
If you are really looking for a “friend with benefits”, just look at the guy who married you. He’s seen you at your worst and persevered through it all. He probably knows you better than anyone else, and STILL loves you. My husband also defragments my hard drive, tells me I’m beautiful and takes out the garbage. Talk about friends with benefits…
