Chuckle #386 | December 9th, 2009
Hey, it’s FREEZING! It must be time to Get the Christmas Tree!
We moms are leaders of the free world, keepers’ of the family faith, rules and checkbook. As such, one of our most important jobs is to maintain TRADITIONS. Even traditions that we didn’t start, and frankly don’t care that much about, such as Looking for the Ground Hog on Ground Hog Day; or making Great Granny’s So Nasty I Could Spit Liver Stuffing on Thanksgiving. We keep Traditions that sometimes seem, even to us, like more work than joy. But TRADITION is the glue that holds the family together, so at Christmas many of us suck it up, gather the family, and head to the local Tree Farm. We call this tradition Getting the Tree.
Hacking down an evergreen together while enduring severe weather conditions makes for the warmest of family memories. (Or goriest, if you don’t keep the saw away from the toddlers.) Thousands of families have the same tradition…I can tell that from the crowds. Some of them even tailgate, but those people are clearly insane. Really, it’s not that much fun to eat outside wearing snow pants and a ski mask. I also find it very difficult to pick up the pigs in a blanket with gloves on, so WE choose to eat inside. At a restaurant...like normal people. Luckily we established THAT tradition early on, or even I wouldn’t be going to get the tree.
Traditions must sometimes be forced on kids for their own good. Otherwise they could end up having no fond memories of “family togetherness” and an unstable family life as an adult. This lowers your chance of having grandkids, which is the PAYOFF for going to the trouble of raising your own children. So don’t risk it. Make them participate.
After age 6, kids would much rather be lying on the couch reading a book than hanging out with their (lame) parents. They often complain about participating in family events. But don’t be fooled. They may grumble when you wake them up early to avoid the crowds, but once they are on the road, sullen, sleepy and silent children eventually perk up enough to say things like “I can’t believe you’re making us do this when it’s 10 below”, or my personal favorite, “I think this may be child abuse”. (Which actually means “I love you mom” in Preteen.) Don’t worry. Eventually they accept their fate. You probably won’t get “ecstatic”, but you'll be able to tolerate their presence.
I’m not quite sure how a child’s brain works, but while they often complain about “doing the tradition,” 5 years later they’ll tell you that “Getting the Tree” was the best memory of their young lives. I’ve heard it said. So DON’T back off, no matter how cold or inconvenient it is. Make everyone go to the farm. Sometimes this part of our job is about as much fun as getting a series of rabies shots, but in the long run it’s worth it. Maintaining traditions isn’t always about TODAY. Keep thinking about those future grandkids…
That doesn’t mean you can’t be flexible. Don’t insist on your “tradition” following a strict regime or schedule. The time spent choosing the tree should have a direct correlation to the outdoor temperature. If it’s 10 degrees, getting the tree should take 10 minutes. It doesn’t matter that it took you 40 minutes to GET to the Tree Farm, and another 30 to suit up in snow pants and cold weather gear. Grab a tree and GO. No one CARES what the tree looks like when they can’t feel their toes. Arctic weather equals UGLY tree. Just use more lights. Creat enough glare and no one will notice.
Once you’ve chosen the tree, and after you’ve come within the “traditional” hairs breath of divorce over the “right” way to tie it onto the roof while your husband’s fingers go numb (because he didn’t bring GLOVES, but how many times can you say that to a man before you find yourself raising three kids on your own?) you can finally EAT. For us, the stop at the Greasy Spoon (Bills Diner) is the REAL highlight of the event. Fries and Shakes are de rigueur after you’ve just shivered off about 800 calories. And don’t put any limit on what the kids can order. Reward them. They’ve just heroically endured one of the best moments of their lives for goodness sake.
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